leftsider tag:,2010-08-26:/3 2012-05-05T16:58:12Z Change Your Mind. Movable Type Pro 4.34-en Trimming the excess tag:leftsider.com,2012:/leftsider//3.1249 2012-05-04T13:47:57Z 2012-05-05T16:58:12Z For those of you who do not play along on Twitter or even the few images I’ve posted on Facebook, I’ve been vacationing at Central Pacific Medical Center thanks to the insistence of my appendix (we’ve since parted ways). This was my first hospitalization and my first surgery, so I really encountered a lot of new experiences. From the onset, the staff I encountered were unbelievably amicable and accommodating. Perhaps the combination of poor experiences (taking others to the hospital) and dramatizations on prime time TV left an impression of general hospitalization being function over form, care constrained by capacity. The only exception to this rule was my visit to a relative admitted to the NIH Clinical Center, which benefits from resources and capacity far greater than its demand. I’m not certain of the demand that CPMC serves, but being in the center of San Francisco and open to the public (NIH is clinical research referral only) I expect it to be greater than that found in Bethesda. Additionally, I’m guessing that federal funding levels between NIH and Sutter Health are quite different as well. Even so, the approach and atmosphere was strikingly similar. People smiled and laughed with you—and each other. Things didn’t seem rushed or harried at all (perhaps all Wednesday nights are slow; I don’t know). And perhaps it was due to reading The Checklist Manifesto previously, but I loved the overlap that everyone did to make sure that no opportunity for error or confusion could slip in. Everyone confirmed what had been done, and nothing was left for the next person; every vital check happened the exact same way, and every update or change came with a check of my wristband to confirm my identity. It was really bulletproof and made me feel safe. There’s something about living life with precision that is both awe-inspiring and repulsive. I can look at the system in place at CPMC and know that it raises the quality of their care, yet at the same time I can see tons of reasons why any given person would want to skip the routine and just get things done: for a sense of free will, for faster results, and so on. In my personal life as well, I’d love to have this same kind of rote processing but I rebel agains becoming a machine. Do we as humans really want perfection? Perhaps we haven’t really grasped the concept that optimization reduces the number of viable options available. We, therefore, look at choice as freedom when, in truth, it increases propensity to failure. If someone were truly able to show us the one true Way, how many would take it? So here I sit, in an environment that shows me the real benefits of precision, rebelling against my own efforts to optimize. Yet I’ll persist; for this experience has given me multiple points of reset—places where I’ll have to stop for a while, start again—that perhaps can be improved. I’m going to have to restrict my activities while I heal; why not reform them as well? Perhaps I’ll get to a place where my life is precise enough that I can start focusing on accuracy. Maybe I’ll even be able to rid myself of some unnecessary appendages (see what I did there?) along the way.... Leftsider For those of you who do not play along on Twitter or even the few images I’ve posted on Facebook, I’ve been vacationing at Central Pacific Medical Center thanks to the insistence of my appendix (we’ve since parted ways). This was my first hospitalization and my first surgery, so I really encountered a lot of new experiences.

From the onset, the staff I encountered were unbelievably amicable and accommodating. Perhaps the combination of poor experiences (taking others to the hospital) and dramatizations on prime time TV left an impression of general hospitalization being function over form, care constrained by capacity. The only exception to this rule was my visit to a relative admitted to the NIH Clinical Center, which benefits from resources and capacity far greater than its demand. I’m not certain of the demand that CPMC serves, but being in the center of San Francisco and open to the public (NIH is clinical research referral only) I expect it to be greater than that found in Bethesda. Additionally, I’m guessing that federal funding levels between NIH and Sutter Health are quite different as well.

Even so, the approach and atmosphere was strikingly similar. People smiled and laughed with you—and each other. Things didn’t seem rushed or harried at all (perhaps all Wednesday nights are slow; I don’t know). And perhaps it was due to reading The Checklist Manifesto previously, but I loved the overlap that everyone did to make sure that no opportunity for error or confusion could slip in. Everyone confirmed what had been done, and nothing was left for the next person; every vital check happened the exact same way, and every update or change came with a check of my wristband to confirm my identity. It was really bulletproof and made me feel safe.

There’s something about living life with precision that is both awe-inspiring and repulsive. I can look at the system in place at CPMC and know that it raises the quality of their care, yet at the same time I can see tons of reasons why any given person would want to skip the routine and just get things done: for a sense of free will, for faster results, and so on. In my personal life as well, I’d love to have this same kind of rote processing but I rebel agains becoming a machine.

Do we as humans really want perfection? Perhaps we haven’t really grasped the concept that optimization reduces the number of viable options available. We, therefore, look at choice as freedom when, in truth, it increases propensity to failure. If someone were truly able to show us the one true Way, how many would take it?

So here I sit, in an environment that shows me the real benefits of precision, rebelling against my own efforts to optimize. Yet I’ll persist; for this experience has given me multiple points of reset—places where I’ll have to stop for a while, start again—that perhaps can be improved. I’m going to have to restrict my activities while I heal; why not reform them as well? Perhaps I’ll get to a place where my life is precise enough that I can start focusing on accuracy. Maybe I’ll even be able to rid myself of some unnecessary appendages (see what I did there?) along the way.

]]> Happy Birthday tag:leftsider.com,2012:/leftsider//3.1248 2012-04-04T02:30:19Z 2012-04-04T13:55:21Z Today is my birthday. When I was small, a birthday was simple. I’d wake up to my parents and younger sister singing “Happy Birthday,” Giving me a funny card, and perhaps some socks or underwear. If I was really lucky, my mom baked a box of cupcakes after I caught the bus and dropped them off to share with my classmates. Decades later, I still find the ingredients for those early birthdays so appealing. As you grow up the fashionable thing is to make a spectacle of the day, an exception to the rule that is your year, but in this simple form the birthday reminds me of three things: There are people who remember and care for me. While my parents and sister were not standing in my room singing this morning, they all pinged me in some way. My grandma, the techie of the bunch, sent an email with specially colored font. :) And my left hip is thoroughly massaged from all the text messages, Facebook wall posts and Twitter mentions I’ll need to respond to. It’s awesome that people took the time to remember and respond—even if they were helped along by social media. There are things I need to make another year. More than a wild night, for sure. I need focus. I need growth. I still need socks and underwear. Rather than spending my money on a pony or my day in a costume, I prefer to think about the things that make each day of my life great, and being happy with that. There’s nothing better than sharing. Life is something you can easily race through, from birthday to birthday, until it’s done. It’s also something you can give, you can receive, and you can share. The interactions we have and the joy that comes from them can be truly euphoric, and while fanfare may be a bit much, no birthday should be recognized in solitude. Friends, coworkers, even strangers are better than being alone. Thank you to all of you who make my birthday a day worth living. I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.... Leftsider Today is my birthday.

When I was small, a birthday was simple. I’d wake up to my parents and younger sister singing “Happy Birthday,” Giving me a funny card, and perhaps some socks or underwear. If I was really lucky, my mom baked a box of cupcakes after I caught the bus and dropped them off to share with my classmates.

Decades later, I still find the ingredients for those early birthdays so appealing. As you grow up the fashionable thing is to make a spectacle of the day, an exception to the rule that is your year, but in this simple form the birthday reminds me of three things:

  • There are people who remember and care for me. While my parents and sister were not standing in my room singing this morning, they all pinged me in some way. My grandma, the techie of the bunch, sent an email with specially colored font. :) And my left hip is thoroughly massaged from all the text messages, Facebook wall posts and Twitter mentions I’ll need to respond to. It’s awesome that people took the time to remember and respond—even if they were helped along by social media.
  • There are things I need to make another year. More than a wild night, for sure. I need focus. I need growth. I still need socks and underwear. Rather than spending my money on a pony or my day in a costume, I prefer to think about the things that make each day of my life great, and being happy with that.
  • There’s nothing better than sharing. Life is something you can easily race through, from birthday to birthday, until it’s done. It’s also something you can give, you can receive, and you can share. The interactions we have and the joy that comes from them can be truly euphoric, and while fanfare may be a bit much, no birthday should be recognized in solitude. Friends, coworkers, even strangers are better than being alone.

Thank you to all of you who make my birthday a day worth living. I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.

]]> Today, Black and in America tag:leftsider.com,2012:/leftsider//3.1247 2012-03-29T04:42:19Z 2012-03-29T07:29:06Z Leftsider There’s little that depresses me more than the plight of the black American. Let me tell you why.

First and foremost, I am black. This depresses me in more ways than are worth telling. Mostly because when I say that I am black there are people (who are black) who will say, “yeah… ok,” because they think there’s something about who I am, what I do, and why I do them that is intrinsically not black. Compounding the blow, there are non-black people who will say, “you don’t act black,” confirming the arguments of the former.

This places a tremendous amount of pressure upon me to prove my blackness. But what does it mean to be black? Do I have to be oppressed, disadvantaged, angry or struggling to qualify? And why on earth would someone want to be considered part of a group defined as such? If I have to stomp around, throw dirt on my face and act sad for you to believe that I am and always will be black, fuck you. I hope that moment of “angry black man” satisfies.

It also means that I’ll have to spend additional energy informing your assumptions about me. Ignoring how I make old women nervous and young women avoid eye contact. Having conversations about sports and urban music and stereotypes that aren’t at all who I am. Going above and beyond to keep myself innocent (which should never have to be deliberate).

But I digress. Deeper still, the second reason is the emptiness in being black. No one not black wants to be part of the black community. And if they do, it’s for the wrong reasons. Because you bought into that rap music-as-lifestyle idiocy? Because you want to be “soulful.” Because you’re minority and/or fanatic about sports. Because you hate your parent/local authority and we’re the enemy of that figure so we’re your friend. If you are any of these, refer to paragraph 3, sentence 5.

I want to be black—despite the insistence of others that I don’t. There are others like me. And at one time, we and others all lived together because we weren’t allowed to live anywhere else. The busboy and the schoolteacher and the janitor and the doctor all in the colored section of the city with the black poet and musician and footballer and preacher and criminal. We were a community, unjustly treated, but a cohesive unit nonetheless.

When freed from the confines of “separate but equal,” something strange happened. At some point we stopped living together. The more successful of us could afford to live better so we did. Doctors moved in to doctors’ neighborhoods; businessmen, lawyers and all the rest followed suit. And all that was left in the black neighborhood wasn’t our best.

If you were to think today of a place where the populace was overwhelmingly black, you’d probably not want to live there. Black neighborhoods (or the entirety of Africa for that matter) are more likely to elicit feelings of pity rather than envy. The good that comes from there—geniuses, athletes, entertainers, and so on—is plucked quickly and placed in a more fertile environment. In urban settings, what doesn’t get taken fights to be free or is ostracized for it’s differences.

This process perpetuates our plight. People come to think of black by these polarities—the stars and the slums—and are both attracted and repulsed by both. Little black youths in troubled environments have no nearby bastions of success to model after; instead they have Oprah and Lebron to aspire to—and find the troubling options more attainable. It’s my opinion that black societal development has largely been stagnant since the 70s, with the Cosby Show being perhaps the last consistent intentional advocate for improved black social standing.

With the maturation of the black community in catatonia at best (and possibly in regression), the issues stacked against it persist and grow. Confused public perception. Angst and suspicions. Outright racism. And every single thing I’ve just listed that depressing about being black today. As it stands, it will never go away.

Think about this: whatever was good that once came out of the black community must be drying up. So the “next best thing” becomes the new good thing so that profitability is not lost. The Wire (which I swear I’ve written about before…), Waka-Gucci-Ross… the plight itself is the new hot. The same way that capitalism takes your money, charges merchants to accept it and you to spend it, someone is looking to profit from us until we become dust.

Meanwhile… here in San Francisco:

All of which is tremendously depressing. Some innocent kid got shot. Depressing. Some say it was racially motivated. Depressing. Some say it was because his attire was urban (PC for black) and therefore dangerous. Depressing. Some say the glorification of “black culture” is to blame. Depressing. For many black youth, that glorified stereotype is their best chance at any glory at all. Depressing. Meanwhile, for myself and other more successful black people, those we interact with say things like “I don’t even think of you as black… you’re just you!” Which I guess is well-intentioned but doubly depressing because I AM BLACK and because they’re clearly thinking that not considering me black is a compliment.

So this is why I’m perpetually depressed by the state of black america. And to be honest, I’d prefer it if I could avoid having to think about any of these things ever, which is perhaps the most depressing thing of all.

]]> If There is a God, Why Do Bad Things Happen? tag:leftsider.com,2012:/leftsider//3.1246 2012-02-10T03:02:32Z 2012-03-09T16:35:31Z tl:dr: you. This question always seems to be a touchy subject, but I thought of it the other day and wondered what was so strange about it. In retrospect, perhaps the question of why bad things happen in the world is taboo because we’re afraid to cast blame. I think the first step is to analyze the question, saving variations for later: “If there is a God, why do bad things happen?” The primary idea our question asserts is that God is supposed to make everything good, or has made everything good. No one asks, “if there is a sun, why do bad things happen?” because no one expects the sun to have any real impact on good and bad things. So the first thing to consider is your preconceptions of what a god would be like. The next thing is less obvious because we are focused on the conditional “if there is a God.” But really: why do bad things happen? In all seriousness, bad things happen because we do them. It’s not rocket science; when we don’t do bad things, bad things don’t happen. “But,” you may counter, “we don’t make earthquakes and famines… we don’t make wild animal attacks or even death in general. We don’t make cancer or debilitating illnesses.” This is naive. Natural disasters, while not human-crafted, are often human triggered. The catalyst we create may be building for generations, thus less visible to the casual observer. Even animal response to man is our doing. And these “act of god” disasters, while tragic, seem microscopic in number when compared with human-inflicted travesties. If all I had to worry about in life was hurricanes, tornadoes and animal tramplings, I think this world would be much closer to perfect than I can imagine. The less than perfect scenario for this world would be the one that the question implies is the best—a world where a god solely allows good to occur. In this alternative, bad things couldn’t happen because God wouldn’t let them. I fail to see this as ideal; our ability to learn wouldn’t exist—I can’t learn from mistakes because mistakes are bad; moreover I can’t be lacking in knowledge because that’s a bad thing as well, so I’d need to immediately know and be able to apply everything in an optimal way. I’d be a machine, with no alternatives except the ones that were designed for me. I believe that we were given the ability to choose precisely so we could be more than just a routine. This means we will have amazing successes as well as horrible mistakes. We also have the capacity to learn from both and constantly improve. Unfortunately, we have learned to only look at things from a selected few perspectives: our own, what media tells us, and those that are convenient to us. I will not say that we live in a perfect world, but I will question whether our world is getting better or worse. Human longevity has increased, health and education as a species has improved overall, and we are able to exist in numbers far higher than were possible even a century ago. We can’t see the change in Djibouti or Caracas or Nagano; we can only see change through our parents getting old, the news of war and loss, and our associates’ perspectives. These few glimpses—which is often all we have—are forming our understanding of “bad things.” And we never even consider what would happen if these things never occurred. In short, If there is a God, he has given us equal opportunity to make things bad or make things good through the ability of choice. We have created systems to persist; the purpose of our system is made visible in its output. We have created marvelous things and have pumped out some awful byproducts along the way. But because we are given dominion over this world we have the ability to mitigate the bad and amplify the good. Taking this challenge, rather than asserting that any challenge is indication of the lack of a higher power, gives us the opportunity to learn and grow. It gives us the opportunity of self-realization. I hope, perhaps, that leads to greater understanding of God as well. There are variations... Leftsider tl:dr: you.

This question always seems to be a touchy subject, but I thought of it the other day and wondered what was so strange about it. In retrospect, perhaps the question of why bad things happen in the world is taboo because we’re afraid to cast blame.

I think the first step is to analyze the question, saving variations for later:

“If there is a God, why do bad things happen?”

The primary idea our question asserts is that God is supposed to make everything good, or has made everything good. No one asks, “if there is a sun, why do bad things happen?” because no one expects the sun to have any real impact on good and bad things. So the first thing to consider is your preconceptions of what a god would be like.

The next thing is less obvious because we are focused on the conditional “if there is a God.” But really: why do bad things happen? In all seriousness, bad things happen because we do them. It’s not rocket science; when we don’t do bad things, bad things don’t happen.

“But,” you may counter, “we don’t make earthquakes and famines… we don’t make wild animal attacks or even death in general. We don’t make cancer or debilitating illnesses.” This is naive. Natural disasters, while not human-crafted, are often human triggered. The catalyst we create may be building for generations, thus less visible to the casual observer. Even animal response to man is our doing. And these “act of god” disasters, while tragic, seem microscopic in number when compared with human-inflicted travesties. If all I had to worry about in life was hurricanes, tornadoes and animal tramplings, I think this world would be much closer to perfect than I can imagine.

The less than perfect scenario for this world would be the one that the question implies is the best—a world where a god solely allows good to occur. In this alternative, bad things couldn’t happen because God wouldn’t let them. I fail to see this as ideal; our ability to learn wouldn’t exist—I can’t learn from mistakes because mistakes are bad; moreover I can’t be lacking in knowledge because that’s a bad thing as well, so I’d need to immediately know and be able to apply everything in an optimal way. I’d be a machine, with no alternatives except the ones that were designed for me.

I believe that we were given the ability to choose precisely so we could be more than just a routine. This means we will have amazing successes as well as horrible mistakes. We also have the capacity to learn from both and constantly improve.

Unfortunately, we have learned to only look at things from a selected few perspectives: our own, what media tells us, and those that are convenient to us. I will not say that we live in a perfect world, but I will question whether our world is getting better or worse. Human longevity has increased, health and education as a species has improved overall, and we are able to exist in numbers far higher than were possible even a century ago. We can’t see the change in Djibouti or Caracas or Nagano; we can only see change through our parents getting old, the news of war and loss, and our associates’ perspectives. These few glimpses—which is often all we have—are forming our understanding of “bad things.” And we never even consider what would happen if these things never occurred.

In short, If there is a God, he has given us equal opportunity to make things bad or make things good through the ability of choice. We have created systems to persist; the purpose of our system is made visible in its output. We have created marvelous things and have pumped out some awful byproducts along the way. But because we are given dominion over this world we have the ability to mitigate the bad and amplify the good. Taking this challenge, rather than asserting that any challenge is indication of the lack of a higher power, gives us the opportunity to learn and grow. It gives us the opportunity of self-realization. I hope, perhaps, that leads to greater understanding of God as well.

There are variations to the question.

“If God is good…” Well, we have yet to understand ourselves fully, let alone God’s plan for us. Yet though we do not even know God’s intent we assume his nature? And should we be able to fully comprehend and articulate God’s being? Would that not make God something we can create? I posit that this is what many “God-fearing” individuals may be doing now in their push to make others believe in their God.

“…why does evil exist?” Hmm. In the same way, our definitions of “bad” and “evil” are based on limited information, and therefore are hard to a) label as a fault, and b) imagine the absence of. It is my hope that our efforts towards good will be critically analyzed to help us further understand the optimal and chart our way towards it.

]]> Change your Mind tag:leftsider.com,2012:/lsdrdup//3.1245 2012-02-04T01:15:46Z 2012-03-09T05:19:54Z Leftsider Every year I change my bio on Twitter to a new personal credo. Recent ones have been:

  • People are behind everything
  • On a treadmill called life: getting stronger, going nowhere
  • Honesty, Craftsmanship, Good Intent
  • Exploring lowest common values

This year, like others, I see a shift in emphasis…

Change your mind.

In a general sense, it is a call to action, encouraging all who read to be the catalyst in the development of their being. I believe this is important because, with the understanding that change is the only constant, the sole alternative is for your mind to be changed, to be formed by external forces rather than by your own.

More personally, it is an acceptance of failure. It is permission to accept error; to move forward. In watching an interview of Twyla Tharp recently(#), I was struck by her defining success and failure by the amount of time it takes to accept failure and move on. In personal reflection, I am notorious for analyzing and rehashing what is past; beating myself up for stupid mistakes long gone.

I don’t want to grow old before my time. I need to let go of the sins of the past by changing my mind. It may well be that changing your mind could be the hardest thing to do when you’re old (and unpracticed). This year I want to put into practice the ability to be free abandon sinking ships, to change sides long before loyalty prevents me and to grow as a result.

]]> Boy Becomes Man tag:leftsider.com,2012:/lsdrdup//3.1244 2012-01-27T14:49:20Z 2012-03-09T05:00:21Z Leftsider There's only so many times that you can look in a mirror before you realize the face you've been seeing is not the face that's being reflected.

When I was young, I refused to believe anything was impossible; it merely needed to be understood. I have a track record of taking on things that are bigger than me (the detractor could argue this as a fancy way of saying "overreaching my capabilities"). All I ever wanted in life was for someone to show me the way.

But now I'm a man. I've a wife, a vocation; a receding hairline... I'm not the kid I used to be no matter how hard I try.

So I've been thinking about what it means to be a man. If I'm honest, it seems a lot of what it means to be a man is to be not a boy. Not inquisitive, not defiant, not hopelessly hopeful. But that's how, deep inside, I really feel. I still think nothing is impossible--only not yet understood. I still am waiting for someone to teach me, though I realize now that It's more likely that I'll be taught through my own errors than any benevolent mentor. Hardly efficient, but I guess men aren't spoon-fed, either.

]]> Tweaking the TImeline tag:leftsider.com,2011:/lsdrdup//3.1243 2011-10-15T22:29:01Z 2012-03-09T05:00:21Z Twitter has fundamentally changed the way I live. When I started using it five years ago, my first interest was finding the location of the coworkers I played ping pong with when I felt like playing a game (Fun fact: Every one of those people stopped using the service within a week, with only @smellvin returning). I met other people and used it sorta like a chat room. I applied for a chance to write for eHub, which was not paid but opened the way for some real work. Somehow I managed to use Twitter to get paid! Amazing! Fast forward three years and now I'm actually getting paid by Twitter. All the years of heavy usage and advocacy paid off, it seems. But if I'm completely honest, I'll have to admit that I've struggled with its growth and have tried numerous times--all unsuccessfully--to use it in a way that works for me perfectly. I've never been able to do that. Today I got rid of the lists I'd previously created, and now I'm looking for a new solution. How can I hear new and interesting things while filtering out unnecessary noise? How can I participate in select conversations while effectively ignoring others. Can I still serve my OCD-like tendency to read every tweet when I've doubled the people I follow, or will I have to learn some new way to find what's of interest to me? I'll have to report back with any solutions I find.... Leftsider Twitter has fundamentally changed the way I live. When I started using it five years ago, my first interest was finding the location of the coworkers I played ping pong with when I felt like playing a game (Fun fact: Every one of those people stopped using the service within a week, with only @smellvin returning).

I met other people and used it sorta like a chat room. I applied for a chance to write for eHub, which was not paid but opened the way for some real work. Somehow I managed to use Twitter to get paid! Amazing!

Fast forward three years and now I'm actually getting paid by Twitter. All the years of heavy usage and advocacy paid off, it seems. But if I'm completely honest, I'll have to admit that I've struggled with its growth and have tried numerous times--all unsuccessfully--to use it in a way that works for me perfectly. I've never been able to do that.

Today I got rid of the lists I'd previously created, and now I'm looking for a new solution. How can I hear new and interesting things while filtering out unnecessary noise? How can I participate in select conversations while effectively ignoring others. Can I still serve my OCD-like tendency to read every tweet when I've doubled the people I follow, or will I have to learn some new way to find what's of interest to me?

I'll have to report back with any solutions I find.

]]> By the Grace of God tag:leftsider.com,2011:/lsdrdup//3.1242 2011-10-07T01:27:56Z 2012-03-09T05:00:21Z I'm the kind of guy who spends a lot of time thinking about things... too much, usually. One thing I feel I always should ponder is who I should thank. It's more complicated than it seems. For example, if I had not become friends with a certain kid named Jason my freshman year of high school, I'd have never met my wife, would never have gotten the job that allowed me to go to Korea, nor would I have been in a position to take advantage of the opportunity to work at Twitter (have I written about that?). Jason did nothing but befriend me, but he is one of the most influential people in my life. I did nothing to deserve much of what I've enjoyed in my life. I feel I've been a pretty mediocre performer in much of what I do, and I dont hide this fact. There's a term I love, "unmerited favor," that I think is a big part of my life. This term is also a definition for "grace." At the beginning of the Pledge and Law I learned so many years ago, there lies a condition to all that a Pathfinder is and that one might become: by the grace of God. Considering that most of my childhood friends have criminal records, most of my high school friends are divorced, and most of my family hasn't seen the other side of this country--let alone the other side of the world, I consider myself privileged far beyond what I deserve, and favored in ways I can't explain. The happiness I enjoy is not the culmination of my efforts, but the gracious gift One was kind enough to bestow. It's good to remind myself of that, and to start my intentions from a point of thankfulness.... Leftsider I'm the kind of guy who spends a lot of time thinking about things... too much, usually. One thing I feel I always should ponder is who I should thank.

It's more complicated than it seems. For example, if I had not become friends with a certain kid named Jason my freshman year of high school, I'd have never met my wife, would never have gotten the job that allowed me to go to Korea, nor would I have been in a position to take advantage of the opportunity to work at Twitter (have I written about that?).

Jason did nothing but befriend me, but he is one of the most influential people in my life. I did nothing to deserve much of what I've enjoyed in my life. I feel I've been a pretty mediocre performer in much of what I do, and I dont hide this fact. There's a term I love, "unmerited favor," that I think is a big part of my life. This term is also a definition for "grace."

At the beginning of the Pledge and Law I learned so many years ago, there lies a condition to all that a Pathfinder is and that one might become: by the grace of God. Considering that most of my childhood friends have criminal records, most of my high school friends are divorced, and most of my family hasn't seen the other side of this country--let alone the other side of the world, I consider myself privileged far beyond what I deserve, and favored in ways I can't explain.

The happiness I enjoy is not the culmination of my efforts, but the gracious gift One was kind enough to bestow. It's good to remind myself of that, and to start my intentions from a point of thankfulness.

]]> Pledge and Law tag:leftsider.com,2011:/lsdrdup//3.1241 2011-10-04T11:22:46Z 2012-03-09T05:00:21Z When I was young I was a member of Pathfinders, a youth activity program that is directed by the Seventh-day Adventist Church. My parents were involved in running the program, so even before I was old enough to participate (Pathfinders are generally aged 10-15) I was attending workshops, camping and enjoying the program. A lot of the direction and the instruction I remember of my youth came from that period of my life. Even now I remember the Pathfinder pledge and law as if I still recited it regularly: The Pathfinder Pledge: By the grace of God I will be pure, kind, and true I will keep the Pathfinder Law I will be a servant of God and a friend to man. The Pathfinder Law is for me to: Keep the Morning Watch Do my honest part Care for my body Keep a level eye Be courteous and obedient Walk softly in the sanctuary Keep a song in my heart, and Go on God's errands I feel very fortunate to have embedded such earnest, uncomplicated life goals at such a young age. Decades later, I can see the pattern these credos have placed on my actions and decision-making as an adult. There's a significant chance I'll take some (or all) of these concepts and expound on them individually. Even so, what early developmental elements do you see guiding the way you live and operate today?... Leftsider When I was young I was a member of Pathfinders, a youth activity program that is directed by the Seventh-day Adventist Church. My parents were involved in running the program, so even before I was old enough to participate (Pathfinders are generally aged 10-15) I was attending workshops, camping and enjoying the program.

A lot of the direction and the instruction I remember of my youth came from that period of my life. Even now I remember the Pathfinder pledge and law as if I still recited it regularly:

The Pathfinder Pledge:

By the grace of God I will be pure, kind, and true I will keep the Pathfinder Law I will be a servant of God and a friend to man.

The Pathfinder Law is for me to:

  • Keep the Morning Watch
  • Do my honest part
  • Care for my body
  • Keep a level eye
  • Be courteous and obedient
  • Walk softly in the sanctuary
  • Keep a song in my heart, and
  • Go on God's errands

I feel very fortunate to have embedded such earnest, uncomplicated life goals at such a young age. Decades later, I can see the pattern these credos have placed on my actions and decision-making as an adult.

There's a significant chance I'll take some (or all) of these concepts and expound on them individually. Even so, what early developmental elements do you see guiding the way you live and operate today?

]]> Refining a Melody tag:leftsider.com,2011:/lsdrdup//3.1240 2011-09-26T02:48:25Z 2012-03-09T05:00:21Z Among the many excuses I've spouted for not writing, the most nearly removed is a need to transition from Movable Type to an open-source variant, Open Melody. There are a number of reasons why I made the switch. First. MT's parent company, Six Apart, is no longer extant. Next, While I've threatened for years to write an entry about there not being one competent, consistent and available MT developer in existance, I have enjoyed the discussions I've had with the developers of Open Melody, largely through work I've down with Endevver. And finally, because I find the MT markup language elegant and useful enough to disuade me from learning anything else (a stab at working in Wordpress for a recent project had me wanting to stab my eyes out). There are certainly some issues I'm encountering during the transition, but my intent is to apply daily attention to this task so that, little by little, the job is done. I'm already fully migrated and now just tweaking design and effects. One thing I am considering is the removal of comments. I'm wondering if commenting is dead and perhaps integration with Facebook, Twitter and Google+ would better serve conversation. We'll see where that leads.... Leftsider Among the many excuses I've spouted for not writing, the most nearly removed is a need to transition from Movable Type to an open-source variant, Open Melody.

There are a number of reasons why I made the switch. First. MT's parent company, Six Apart, is no longer extant. Next, While I've threatened for years to write an entry about there not being one competent, consistent and available MT developer in existance, I have enjoyed the discussions I've had with the developers of Open Melody, largely through work I've down with Endevver. And finally, because I find the MT markup language elegant and useful enough to disuade me from learning anything else (a stab at working in Wordpress for a recent project had me wanting to stab my eyes out).

There are certainly some issues I'm encountering during the transition, but my intent is to apply daily attention to this task so that, little by little, the job is done. I'm already fully migrated and now just tweaking design and effects.

One thing I am considering is the removal of comments. I'm wondering if commenting is dead and perhaps integration with Facebook, Twitter and Google+ would better serve conversation. We'll see where that leads.

]]> Conquest & Rule tag:leftsider.com,2011:/lsdrdup//3.1239 2011-08-07T02:01:15Z 2012-03-09T05:00:21Z I woke up disturbed; out of my bedroom window I always hear the white noise of the nearby 280... but this time I was almost certain I could hear people screaming beneath it. Turns out it was the San Francisco Marathon, and a bunch of trainers from a fitness club had posted up around the block to cheer and encourage the runners. Tav and I went out and watched the runners pass for a while. "I can do that," I thought to myself, but almost immediately changed my mind. "I could do that," I corrected, "at one point. Maybe not that long ago. But not now." And, of course, this made me ask myself: Why can't I do it now? The short answer is that I'm not in shape; the long answer is that I've not maintained my shape. It's one thing to get fit; it's another to stay fit.... Leftsider I woke up disturbed; out of my bedroom window I always hear the white noise of the nearby 280... but this time I was almost certain I could hear people screaming beneath it.

Turns out it was the San Francisco Marathon, and a bunch of trainers from a fitness club had posted up around the block to cheer and encourage the runners. Tav and I went out and watched the runners pass for a while.

"I can do that," I thought to myself, but almost immediately changed my mind.

"I could do that," I corrected, "at one point. Maybe not that long ago. But not now."

And, of course, this made me ask myself: Why can't I do it now?

The short answer is that I'm not in shape; the long answer is that I've not maintained my shape. It's one thing to get fit; it's another to stay fit.

]]>

After conquest comes rule: the normalization process that renders successive conquest unnecessary.less than a minute ago via Twitter for Android Favorite Retweet Replyleftsider
Leftsider

Both conquest, the evolutionary process, and rule, the normalizing process, are to be expected from a comprehensive leader.less than a minute ago via Twitter for Android Favorite Retweet Replyleftsider
Leftsider

Taking control of one's life is but one part, and ruling one's life is an entire other.less than a minute ago via Twitter for Android Favorite Retweet Replyleftsider
Leftsider

This was a way of thinking that I hadn't really explored before. We always think of leadership as pushing forward and addressing issues, discovering uncharted territory and looking to the future. We hardly consider the administrator as a leader--no more than we think of the traffic director in the same we do the movie director.

But I've done a terrible job at administrating. I've hopped from idea to idea to idea, travelling the world and looking at every thing I can for inspiration. But what about standardization? What in my life is the same as it has always been, and what steps have I made to ensure some things don't change/fade/die?

I think I've gone as far as I can go without losing some part of who I am; any further and things will need to be conquered anew.less than a minute ago via Twitter for Android Favorite Retweet Replyleftsider
Leftsider

Now that I'm here in California--and not in DC or Korea or Delaware--and everything is new, my habit would be to embrace the present and abandon the past. But I'd like to do something different this time. Rather than letting my languages languish or my friendships falter, I want to try my hand at maintenance.

Doing so not only prevents the tremendous cost of starting anew on something I've already done but also forces me to address capacity and priority. What can I reasonably maintain, and what must be sacrificed?

Rise and shine, world; it's time for me to rule.less than a minute ago via Twitter for Android Favorite Retweet Replyleftsider
Leftsider

]]> Wrestling with Hipsterism tag:leftsider.com,2011:/lsdrdup//3.1238 2011-08-05T10:46:39Z 2012-03-09T05:00:21Z I've tossed around the word hipster quite frivolously, a term I've used to describe anyone proud of their awkwardness, running askew to the norm; the girl who liked all the bands before the were popular or the boy who insists on wearing suspenders and cuffed pants. In retrospect, I guess it was a term I used with fondness--the equivalent of a sigh and a ruffling of their hair while I chuckle, "what am I going to do with you?" in that way that shows as much affection as it does reproach. Visiting NYC, I saw them en masse and certainly felt their community gave them more credibility. Now, however, my opinion of the word has soured. In thinking of the parasitic way of living I've accepted, I'm inclined to assume (from my experience only) that even the leech dreams of being a regular and vital organ of the host. I don't want to suck SF dry and walk away; I'd love to discover a true sense of understanding of the city, it's people, their history and composition. But I am an aspirant from the East with no reason to be living here but for my job. I moved from a luxury apartment in one of the best neighborhoods in the DC Metro area. Add this to my abstention and other things, and I stand out and apart from the city I now call home. .bbpBox97403991465525248 {background:url(http://a1.twimg.com/profile_background_images/86811568/vintage_stripes_by_gloriousday.jpg) #5c615d;padding:20px;} p.bbpTweet{background:#fff;padding:10px 12px 10px 12px;margin:0;min-height:48px;color:#000;font-size:18px !important;line-height:22px;-moz-border-radius:5px;-webkit-border-radius:5px} p.bbpTweet span.metadata{display:block;width:100%;clear:both;margin-top:8px;padding-top:12px;height:40px;border-top:1px solid #fff;border-top:1px solid #e6e6e6} p.bbpTweet span.metadata span.author{line-height:19px} p.bbpTweet span.metadata span.author img{float:left;margin:0 7px 0 0px;width:38px;height:38px} p.bbpTweet a:hover{text-decoration:underline}p.bbpTweet span.timestamp{font-size:12px;display:block} The wolf knows he's a wolf, but he wants to be a lamb. He tries to be a lamb. Meanwhile, the world waits knowingly for his first howl.30 Jul via Twitter for Android Favorite Retweet ReplyleftsiderLeftsider So what does one do feel more authentic? He finds replicable elements in the things he considers real and dons them. The underground music scene, working class neighborhood bar, the sartorial sensibility of the service sector. Tats are real enough, and so is disdain for the appearance of affluence. It is not uncommon to find the the strongest opinions from those with the weakest ties. Even I, having spent two posts now talking around these concepts am to blame. I yearn for the simplicity and honesty I see in my grandfather's generation, but were I to raid his closet and play his music, what would make me less fraudulent, more acceptable than the average hipster? What could I possibly do besides progress that would not make me an adherent to nostalgia? Hipsterism is non-progressive.... Leftsider I've tossed around the word hipster quite frivolously, a term I've used to describe anyone proud of their awkwardness, running askew to the norm; the girl who liked all the bands before the were popular or the boy who insists on wearing suspenders and cuffed pants.

In retrospect, I guess it was a term I used with fondness--the equivalent of a sigh and a ruffling of their hair while I chuckle, "what am I going to do with you?" in that way that shows as much affection as it does reproach. Visiting NYC, I saw them en masse and certainly felt their community gave them more credibility.

Now, however, my opinion of the word has soured.

In thinking of the parasitic way of living I've accepted, I'm inclined to assume (from my experience only) that even the leech dreams of being a regular and vital organ of the host. I don't want to suck SF dry and walk away; I'd love to discover a true sense of understanding of the city, it's people, their history and composition.

But I am an aspirant from the East with no reason to be living here but for my job. I moved from a luxury apartment in one of the best neighborhoods in the DC Metro area. Add this to my abstention and other things, and I stand out and apart from the city I now call home.

The wolf knows he's a wolf, but he wants to be a lamb. He tries to be a lamb. Meanwhile, the world waits knowingly for his first howl.30 Jul via Twitter for Android Favorite Retweet Replyleftsider
Leftsider

So what does one do feel more authentic? He finds replicable elements in the things he considers real and dons them. The underground music scene, working class neighborhood bar, the sartorial sensibility of the service sector. Tats are real enough, and so is disdain for the appearance of affluence.

It is not uncommon to find the the strongest opinions from those with the weakest ties. Even I, having spent two posts now talking around these concepts am to blame. I yearn for the simplicity and honesty I see in my grandfather's generation, but were I to raid his closet and play his music, what would make me less fraudulent, more acceptable than the average hipster? What could I possibly do besides progress that would not make me an adherent to nostalgia? Hipsterism is non-progressive.

]]> Zombies vs Androids tag:leftsider.com,2011:/lsdrdup//3.1237 2011-08-03T16:56:54Z 2012-03-09T05:00:20Z Four months ago I left my job, got rid of most of my possessions and moved from the DC Metro area to the San Francisco Bay area. I think I'm ready to share how I feel about these two cities.... Leftsider Four months ago I left my job, got rid of most of my possessions and moved from the DC Metro area to the San Francisco Bay area. I think I'm ready to share how I feel about these two cities.

]]> First, it should be noted that I am a big fan of caution when making assessments. I generally say "keep your mouth shut for at least 90 days" when it comes to saying how I feel. Things are rarely as they seem at the start, and living in SF is no different.

Next, I want to show no ill will to either city. These are towns that are known more for their stereotypes than for what they really are; You can live a long time in a place and only then, suddenly, see what's going on beyond the front presentation. No city is perfect, and this analogy shows how both cities have inherent flaws.

So that being said... DC is a giant robot; SF is a soulless corpse.

And here's why: the District was never meant to be a lively neighborhood; it was built as an engine for a nation. Everything that makes a city is present in the city, but there is not algorithmic equation for a city's vibrancy and soul. For decades the city literally went to sleep at the end of the day, and only recently has DC come to have anything resembling a nightlife or a social scene.

For like any sentient robot, you design subordinate systems to fill the gaps between where you are, and where you need to be. Right now Washington, D.C., is developing peripherals that make it almost impossible to distinguish it from a real city. This is the thing we actually fear about real robots.

San Francisco, on the other hand, was a real city. A real city with real residents, real history, real tragedy and real triumph. It exuded confidence and soul and true independence from societal norms. And that was attractive to many, if not all.

Everyone knows that the ingredients for a zombie is one part parasite and one part host. That host is more useful if it willingly accepts the parasite's demands. In horror movies, most people are unwilling--so parasites often go for the dead, making them undead. But what if a host willingly allowed parasites in?

Well, that's San Francisco in a nutshell. A ton of people not from here pretending they know what SF is and fundamentally changing the city according to those ideas while accomplishing their own goals. Meanwhile the host city becomes ragged, more spastic, and--most importantly--less and less of what it was.

I've just become one of the horde that is sucking what life is left from San Francisco. Its corpse still functions, but its soul is largely gone. Where DC never had a heart (and is getting closer to creating one) SF offered up its life's essence to a flood of people who had no interest in seeing it work in the first place. I see it in the dirtiness of the streets, the casualness to rules and the marked absence of advocacy for the preservation of what once was.

So that's my opinion on SF, in comparison to DC.

]]> How you live where you live tag:leftsider.com,2011:/leftsider//3.1236 2011-05-29T14:05:21Z 2011-06-07T15:10:28Z One of the benefits of shedding most of what you own and moving across the country is the opportunity to be deliberate about the new lifestyle you want to establish as you settle in. Whether you’d like to change your life completely, reorient yourself to an established intention, or reinforce a current course °, relocation provides a clean canvas to illustrate your ideals. Having read Vatsayana’s depiction of the ideal life of a citizen in the Kama Sutra °, I was really excited to find our new residence blocks from the bay, relatively quiet yet convenient to the city, and even providing a small backyard with aromatic and fruit-bearing palntings. He’d certainly be pleased. Still, his recommendation for daily living has a scent of conspicuous consumption about it. I’m not sure of my immunity against Affluenza ° so modification is necessary. I’ve always been interested in simple living °. Reading on Epicureanism ° , I find that: In the Epicurean view, the highest pleasure (tranquility and freedom from fear) was obtained by knowledge, friendship, and living a virtuous and temperate life. He lauded the simple life, and advocated reducing one’s desires […] This highest pleasure is known as Ataraxia °. How can we use technology to promote and disperse ataraxia—tranquility and freedom from fear? I’ll be thinking about this as I develop the tone of my new life here in San Francisco.... Leftsider One of the benefits of shedding most of what you own and moving across the country is the opportunity to be deliberate about the new lifestyle you want to establish as you settle in. Whether you’d like to change your life completely, reorient yourself to an established intention, or reinforce a current course °, relocation provides a clean canvas to illustrate your ideals.

Having read Vatsayana’s depiction of the ideal life of a citizen in the Kama Sutra °, I was really excited to find our new residence blocks from the bay, relatively quiet yet convenient to the city, and even providing a small backyard with aromatic and fruit-bearing palntings. He’d certainly be pleased.

Still, his recommendation for daily living has a scent of conspicuous consumption about it. I’m not sure of my immunity against Affluenza ° so modification is necessary. I’ve always been interested in simple living °.

Reading on Epicureanism ° , I find that:

In the Epicurean view, the highest pleasure (tranquility and freedom from fear) was obtained by knowledge, friendship, and living a virtuous and temperate life. He lauded the simple life, and advocated reducing one’s desires […]

This highest pleasure is known as Ataraxia °. How can we use technology to promote and disperse ataraxia—tranquility and freedom from fear? I’ll be thinking about this as I develop the tone of my new life here in San Francisco.

]]> Expectation tag:leftsider.com,2011:/leftsider//3.1234 2011-01-27T16:28:10Z 2011-01-27T17:12:27Z A few years ago, I was sitting on a low stool in my (possibly favorite) apartment when Fru called from the kitchen, “Would you like some cereal?” “Yes,” I replied. “You want Chex?” “Sure.” “Do you want me to add raisins?” And it was with this question that I attained enlightenment.... Leftsider A few years ago, I was sitting on a low stool in my (possibly favorite) apartment when Fru called from the kitchen, “Would you like some cereal?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“You want Chex?”

“Sure.”

“Do you want me to add raisins?” And it was with this question that I attained enlightenment.

]]> Time stopped, and I wondered about what I should say. If she had given me a bowl of cereal—with raisins or without—I would have been happy. But because she asked my selection would now establish expectations.

If I said “no thank you” but she brought my bowl with raisins added I’d be disappointed—even though a bowl with raisins would have been perfectly acceptable if she had never asked. The converse would yield the same result. In fact I had asked for raisins and she complied, the amount of raisins in my cereal could fall short of my expectations and leave me disappointed.

Thus I came to a conclusion:

@Kimjoy #expectations = #disappointmentsless than a minute ago via Twitter for Mac in reply to Kimjoyleftsider
Leftsider

I’m not saying don’t have standards. I’m not saying you’re stupid to have goals. I’m saying be careful the expectations you make because every expectation is an opportunity for disappointment. I’m not the first to discover this *.

When I had that realization, I worked for a long time to remove expectation (in the form of preference * ) from my life. I was unsuccessful. Only recently have I deliberately allowed myself to strive or to yearn for things, and the first feeling that wells up is fear—the fear of disappointment and failure.

Therefore I do not feel that my realization is false. Rather, I accept it as a truth which I cannot currently attain. Man is no more able to remove expectation and preference from his life than he is to remove disappointment and dissatisfaction. Accepting this reinforces my assertion.

]]>