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January 2, 2020

Resolution to leave self-hatred in 2019

This year I’ve decided to give another attempt at the latest variation on the resolution theme: twelve one-month resolutions rather than one big annual one. I started listing all the things I wanted to do or try, things I wanted to get better and and goals I wanted to achieve. And then I remembered a concept that I encountered during Somatica last year:

Self-improvement can be a pretty fantastic cover for self-hatred.

Think about any area where you’d like to improve and ask yourself, “do I love and accept my current position in this area? Or do I want to improve because I currently feel insufficient in some way—not enough?” Maybe there’s something you really want to do, but deep deep down your desire to do it is tied to some desire to be seen differently, or to prove worth or value, or to escape some shame or regret.

I’ve taken on the task of rewriting my monthly objectives, turning away from self-improvement and towards personal growth. Instead of “be a better husband,” perhaps a monthly goal to show my love and appreciation each day. I hope that if you subscribe to resolutions, you’ll consider “resolve” your aspirations, love yourself and seek goals that yield greater personal growth and enrichment this year.

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