January 2020 Archives

January 2, 2020

Resolution to leave self-hatred in 2019

This year I’ve decided to give another attempt at the latest variation on the resolution theme: twelve one-month resolutions rather than one big annual one. I started listing all the things I wanted to do or try, things I wanted to get better and and goals I wanted to achieve. And then I remembered a concept that I encountered during Somatica last year:

Self-improvement can be a pretty fantastic cover for self-hatred.

Think about any area where you’d like to improve and ask yourself, “do I love and accept my current position in this area? Or do I want to improve because I currently feel insufficient in some way—not enough?” Maybe there’s something you really want to do, but deep deep down your desire to do it is tied to some desire to be seen differently, or to prove worth or value, or to escape some shame or regret.

I’ve taken on the task of rewriting my monthly objectives, turning away from self-improvement and towards personal growth. Instead of “be a better husband,” perhaps a monthly goal to show my love and appreciation each day. I hope that if you subscribe to resolutions, you’ll consider “resolve” your aspirations, love yourself and seek goals that yield greater personal growth and enrichment this year.

January 1, 2020

Brave New World

For the past few years, I’ve dragged myself free of the bedsheets early on the first day of the year, looking for solitude, reflection and sunrise. This, along with my penchant for theming each new year, gave me a true feeling of starting fresh, however contrived that feeling might be.

So color me surprised when I woke up with my 2020 motto, “Brave new world,” and headed to a vista point to find…intensely gray skies.


Here’s the part where I should tell you something profound or inspirational—sometimes the best finishes have cloudy starts, when in doubt be sure the sun is still there shining, something ridiculous like that—but instead I’m just going to say it was a bust. It was anticlimactic, I was surrounded by a lot of disappointed people (many who left early), and I was so busy trying to find a bright side that I failed to be anything close to mindful or reflective.

Life sucks sometimes. You don’t have to be perpetually positive, because the world isn’t. Every day the world is as full of tears, confusion and misses as smiles, purpose and success. There’s no difference between Jan 1 and any other day of your life; it’s true. Welcome to a brave new world.