September 2019 Archives

September 17, 2019

Wanting Things, Feeling Things

My job is headquartered in London, I’m in the UK this week with my reports.

Eating outside for lunch, the air felt so good, and the wonderful smell of the fallen leaves stirred my emotions. I felt sadness, though, and I chose to rest in it quietly.

Finally I spoke to my team, who’d left me to my own thoughts. “On a completely different topic, it’s important to listen to yourself and know what you want. Maybe you can’t get something you want right now, but it’s important to acknowledge what it is you desire. If you suppress what you want, you suppress your desire, you’re going to end up suppressing your feelings—and this will keep you from truly being happy. All of this to say… I’m really enjoying this autumn weather…”

“…and you’re suppressing your feelings about the hot Austin weather?” one person joked.

“…that’s right. I’ve spent time outside every day this summer, telling myself this is what I’ll have to accept to appreciate Austin. And that may not be the right way to appreciate Austin—it may not be wrong way, either—the important thing is that it’s ok for me to want this weather, to miss this weather I’m experiencing right now, and to feel a little sad even though I’m really enjoying it at the same time. I’m recognizing my feelings.”

“This is important for you because you need to always listen to your feelings and know what you want. Every time we meet in our 1:1s I ask you how you’re doing, how things are going, and whether the work is meeting your expectations. You will need to listen to your feelings, your desires, and know what you really want—which is something entirely different. The job may be great and you’re getting promotions left and right…but it’s not what you want. Only you can know this, and I want you to practice paying attention to this.”

“I feel like you just diagnosed me without knowing,” he said. “I want to be financially independent, but I feel like I’m suppressing so much in my life that I really enjoy to do that, be that. It’s important to say what I want, even if I can’t have it right now.”

I am so blessed to have experienced Somatica and to have been able to practically incorporate it into my daily life. It isn’t a perfect application, but I feel happiness to know that my team understands vulnerability, communicating feedback, listening to emotions and even attunement to some extent. I love that my team starts our weekly meeting with a couple deep breaths and that we work to celebrate our different approaches rather than compete against each other.

I’m thankful for the last few months’ growth, giving me the ability to appreciate wanting things, feeling things that just can’t be mine right now.