Dissatisfaction as a Means to Determination

I’m constantly concerned with making correct choices and optimizing potential. In fact, the critical eye I cast is the largest source of resolve for my life and work decisions. I want to be an expert at it, as it is directly related to my work and vocation. This can often be misunderstood, however; here’s an example.

Working at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has always meant that you would be working with an older crowd. This is my third time working for this organization, and if my memory serves correctly I remember being told at the most recent new hire orientation that the environment has improved—the average age is now in the low 50s.

I remember that first temp job I worked about a decade ago; a girl slightly older than me walked past my cubicle, then walked back, introducing herself and declaring that I now was to hang with her small group of under-30 friends in the building. We had a lot of fun together, and built a presence for younger employees that was both natural for us and non-threatening to the older majority.

Fast-forward to 2008. When I accepted my new position, all the people I knew from back then were now in their mid-30s with many of them gone to new opportunities and experiences. While the number of young people had increased, there were only three or four friends who hung out at lunch or otherwise. The presence which we had built was lost.

I linked up with these old friends and made plans for outreach. The plan was simple: if we ever saw a person under 35 sitting alone in the cafeteria, we’d sit next to them (with their permission). The rest of us would join and hope a good lunch conversation lead to a new friendship.

It worked. Boy did it work. We’ve had on-site events, happy hours, weekend activities, a Facebook group, and our loosely connected group of “lunch table friends” has swelled to more than thirty—with many old members additionally reconnecting through our online channels.

Yet I still wasn’t satisfied. Why? Two reasons:

1. I never felt that the group was self-sustaining—it required constant management, which is an indicator of participation without engagement. The idea of reaching out to anyone who was alone was replaced with welcoming anyone who sat with us. As a result, we hit a growth plateau.
2. I sensed other groups forming in direct response to the level of intimidation that our group’s size and energy (unintentionally) generated. Increasingly when reaching out to others I found our table perceived as a clique—the exact opposite of our original intentions.

Auditing our group by the the standard “The Purpose of a System is What it Does” (thanks, Adam), I asked people at the table what they imagined would be next for us; where would we grow? The resounding response was that of complacency—the table had done, in fact, much of what it thought was reasonable for a group to do. Soon it became clear that my intentions for the table (identity, advocacy, camaraderie) and the intentions of the table itself (camaraderie, sociality, fun) were rapidly losing alignment. My conversations only served to exacerbate the situation.

Contrary to appearances (even to myself, at times), my critical observations were intended as a means to identify and rectify the flaws in our system. Unfortunately, I think our society has developed a habit of allowing criticism without expectation of critic involvement in change. As a result, no one looks to my pointing out what’s wrong as a challenge to collaborate on making it right.

I often tell Fru that I only ever complain about the things I care about most. You will not see me whining about traffic or the lunch menu but you will always hear me go on about functional living, technology and culture, or human value. In these areas I want to make the best choices and optimize the potential available for growth.

I still haven’t solved the problem of the lunch table; I’m looking at options available. I take great interest in the dynamics this group displays and the tremendous potential it has to be a tool for growth, development, and inclusion into the organization at large. These are the things that stretch my brain (as well as my interpersonal relation skills!), and it is the determination that comes from dissatisfaction that seems to proffer the greatest gain.